Saturday, August 13, 2005

Nazis like ice cream

I had a dream last night that I was in the US military during WWII. My battallion had to infiltrate the German army. To do so, we dressed in German uniforms that we somehow procured, probably from Germans we had killed. What did these uniforms consist of? Fez's with swastikas on them. That was about it.
We put on the little hats that looked like this: (thanks, Photoshop)

Where were the German soldiers when we slipped into their ranks? An ice cream shop. We were obviously American soldiers, but when you put on the swastika fez, they can't tell the difference. Their commander even bought us ice cream cones.
but was it Häagen-Dazs? That's the Q.

Oh damn it. Häagen-Dazs started in America.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

Today I’m going to address the pressing issue of trombones. Do you know what it sounds like when a 47 year old woman blows on a trombone mouthpiece? Well, it’s a lot quieter than when she blows on the whole damn instrument. The dog whines either way. (does that sound like sexual innuendo OR WHAT? I promise it's not.)

Disney ran a short-lived sitcom entitled Even Stevens. The main character, Louis Stevens, once said, “Trombones hurt in a way you’ll never understand.” I took that to heart. While Louis was referring to falling into an orchestra pit, I am referring to living in a family of trombone players. My dad married a professional trombonist. (why, daddy, why?) She gave birth to a baby trombonist, who, while in his early stages of learning the trombone (perhaps its most beautiful stages) would rise at 6am to blat out its sweet melodies.

Just now, the trombone playing (er, warming up) stopped and my step mom said, “Whoa! Joanna you have got to come see this.”

Then I hear my dad’s voice, “Joanna, do you have your camera?”

And my dad walked into the house with these.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Melekalikimaka

I just sneezed all over my computer screen. Just thought you should know. My 8.5 hr plane ride aboard the Boeing 777 was awesome. There were multiple crying babies in the cabin, but I said bring it on mothafuckas! I had a whole row of five seats to myself. So you can bet your bippy I tried to take up all of them, but I'm only 5'2.

Things I anticipate seeing in the next few days: molten lava, gecko poop. I'll let you know if I see anything else.

For anyone who doesn't know, two of my parents and my puppy live in Hawaii. Don't try to make sense of it. I still don't quite understand it myself.

Right now two geckos are fighting each other to the death on the wall in the other room. My dog is furry.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Aloha


Would you travel over 4,000 miles to see this face?

Well, I am. I feel kind of like an idiot for randomly going to Hawaii, but hey. Why do I do it? Because I can.



PS - Today I was in the car and Britney Spears' "Toxic" came on the radio WHILE I was stuck behind a semi carrying hazardous chemicals. It was awesome!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Let's talk about sex baby

There is currently one registered sex offender living down the street from me. (in my quaint Indiana neighborhood) Two accounts of child molestation. That's ok though, I just looked up my NY zip code and there were 32 registered sex offenders living in the area.

I was mowing the lawn today, listening to Lindsay Lohan on my ipod and I smiled and waved at the woman next door, who is wanted for dealing cocaine within 100 ft of a school. (she fled from police about a year ago and abandoned her house, but she came back to get some stuff. She acts weird whenever there are police sirens.)