Friday, July 22, 2005

sleepy sleepy baby

I’m experiencing inner turmoil right now. You see, my roommate was supposed to be at work half an hour ago, but she’s in bed asleep. I don’t have to be at work for another two hours. Why am I awake you ask? Well, at 6 am, my roommate came home quite plastered. Her arrival probably would’ve woken me anyway, but she purposefully woke me up to tell me that I’m a beautiful girl who has a lot to offer the world.

I was slowly drifting back to sleep as she repeatedly mumbled to her friend that I’m “a beautiful girl who has a lot to offer the world.” Then she said, “here, eat some cheez-its” and I refused. She then gave me the sad drunken puppy look, so I ate one cheez it. Then she passed out, and I couldn’t fall back asleep to save my life.

Her alarm blared at 7 am but it did not rouse her. I said, “Liz, your alarm is going off,” and she said “OK” but did not move. I woke her up several times and asked, “Do you have work today?” She sleepily nodded yes and fell back asleep.

This is when the turmoil started. On the one hand, a decent human being would make sure their roommate didn’t sleep through work, but on the other hand, wouldn’t it be hilarious if my roommate slept through work?

On the one hand, she’s the star intern at her sector of Merill Lynch and it’s so excellent to see the mighty fall. But on the other hand, what would Jesus do?

On the one hand, it’s not my responsibility to mother her drunken ass, but on the other hand, I sort of like her.

I think we all know what Jesus would do.

But I didn’t do it. She just now ran out the door, an hour late for work, looking like hell.

the rest of the story
Last night I encountered my first diligent bouncer. It seems all the other bouncers in new york will look at an ID that is obviously expired and obviously not mine and let me in anyway. At this bar however, they actually measured me, discovered I am not 5’8 and sent me packing as my cohorts (aka roommate and friend) went on without me. (But I gave them my blessing, because I’m no wet blanket) Despite my desperate drunken phone pleas (where are you?! I’m so alone!) to my small bank of ny friends, I ended up just going home. It is my trademark to boycott taxi cabs and walk long distances by myself like an idiot, but even in a state of inebriation I knew 40 blocks wasn’t gonna cut it. So I sucked it up and did the taxi thing. Damn taxis, always driving people everywhere, the nerve.


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